Becoming a Father - Gender Roles

Sometimes we fall into a routine and play a 'role'. We do this every time we are with just one person or with many. Think about when your with your friends as opposed to your partner. Or your parents or certain siblings, cousins, etc... It's not being 'different' or 'fake' but an appropriate and comfortable 'role' that you allow yourself to play.

Becoming a father was a huge new role. It brought on a whole new sense of control. I'm the dad now. Not the child. But still, at times, I felt out of control. I'm responsible for a family, a daughter? My wife is more than capable in supporting a small village, let alone me and Laven. But me on the other hand, I come from the male tribe. Not so much known for the caring and giving spirit.

So with that role of father, I try to challenge myself to be strong in faith and live up to the life that I want. I say embrace the role and use it to your advantage. Try to take a look at yourself from a different perspective and ask yourself, "How do I really want to act in this situation?". Be critical of yourself and try to do what's right. Some times we get into a rut and play a role that we don't want to. Whether it's the disciplinarian or the passive supporter we all get stuck. Change it up and make your moments memorable.

When I take my daughter to the park and we're all alone, I allow myself to be in the moment and be extravagant. I'm the King and you're the princess! Let's go slay the dragon... whatever she wants I'll be. I want her to have color in her life and get down on my knees to her level. Try to understand who she is and what makes her unique. How she sees the world. I want to know my daughter and respond to her in like.

But most importantly, don't forget the role of a husband and partner. Revisit the role everyday and make it remarkable. It's the foundation to your family...
I'll talk about this soon.

XBox Live

And speaking of playing... For all of you Modern Warfare 2 players... I welcome your invites!

www.HonestFamilyServices.com

So for those who may not know, my wife supports families as a therapist and as a postpartum doula, to help them solve problems related to their infants or toddlers. She was recently honored as a certified expert from ParentingHQ.com and you can learn more about her from her website at www.honestfamilyservices.com. In her blog (HonestFamily.blogspot.com) she discusses common & complex issues you may be having with your infant or toddler but also discusses various topics such as building self esteem.

The article "5 Steps for Parents To Build Self Esteem in Their Children" is a fantastic read and I wanted to expand on a thought from the article:

Step #5. Show children that you can laugh at yourself.
Show them that life doesn't need to be serious all the time and that some teasing is all in fun. Your sense of humor is important for their well-being.

Humor is one of the qualities in people that I enjoy the most. I think it's important to remind ourselves that our children are just that, children. Sometimes we take life too seriously and forget that life is what we make it. Today's pressures can certainly add up and take it's toll on us. We may not always choose what we get in life but we always get to choose how we react. So take a moment and stop. Laugh at the world and lighten up. Smile. And play with your kids. You might end up having some fun.

The end of an era

I resigned from OppenheimerFunds today and started a new chapter in my life... As Gandhi once put it, "Find purpose, and the means will follow." ... well come on means, come follow me! I'm excited to see what's in store... full time daddy, dedicated professional...

The Cube Personality Test

Write the answers to the following on a sheet of paper.

Close your eyes and imagine a Desert. Now visualize the following:

The Cube:

-Somewhere in the desert there is a cube.

-What does the cube look like?

-Is the cube big or small?

-What color is the cube?

-Where is the cube?

-Is it in the middle of the desert or somewhere in the corner?

-What is the cube made of?

-Can you see a flat side of the cube or is it a 3D object?

-Is the cube transparent or not?

The Ladder:

-Somewhere in the desert there is also a ladder.

-What does the ladder look like?

-What color is the ladder?

-Is the ladder big or small?

-Is the ladder far away from the cube or near to the cube?

-Does the ladder have many rungs or just a few?

The Horse:

-Somewhere in the desert there is also a horse.

-What does the horse look like?

-What do you think about the horse?

-How near or far away is the horse from the cube?

-Is the horse tied or can it run anywhere it wants?

-Is it a wild horse or a domestic horse?

The Storm:

-Somewhere in the desert there is a storm.

-What does the storm look like?

-Is the storm near the cube or far away from the cube?

-Is the storm big or small?

-Is the storm strong or weak?

-Is the storm passing by or staying?





The Cube game answers:

The Cube

The first object in the desert, the cube, represents you.

The bigger the cube, the bigger your ego. If the cube is transparent, you are open to others, you don't hide anything from your friends or family. If you cannot see through the cube, it means that you are a private person and don't talk much about yourself.

If the cube is made out of something solid and strong, it means that you are a strong person. If it is soft, it means that you can be easily influenced and you are emotional.

How you think about the cube represents how you think about yourself. A cube which is on the ground indicates that you are down to earth, while a floating cube shows that you are a dreamer. If you see the flat side of the cube, you have a shallow personality, if you see the cube in 3D, you have a deep personality.

If the cube is in the centre it means that you like the attention and you like to be praised.

The color of the cube represents your personality. In general, if the cube is light you are a positive person and the darker it is the more negative you are. However it may not always be so, you should always pay attention to how you feel about the color. If you like the color then you are a likeable personality, it the color seems cold to you, you seem distant to people.

Here is a general guide to the cube colors:

Black is the color of authority, elegance, sophistication. It can also mean the dark side of the personality.

White symbolizes innocence, non-judgemental personality, objectivity, lack of strong opinions.

Red is the color of dominance, power, love and sexual energy. If your cube is red it also can mean that you are an attention seeker.

Yellow color of the cube shows that the person loves attention and would do almost anything to get the attention. If this is your color, you may seem too overbearing to some people so they may avoid you. This color also represents playfulness, optimism and energy.

Green represents compassion, prosperity, money, and vitality.

Blue represents knowledge, loyalty and calmness.

Purple represents luxury, wealth, and sophistication.

Brown shows stability. Brown is the most common cube color among men.

The Ladder

The ladder represents your friends.

The closer the ladder to the cube, the closer you are with your friends. If the ladder is leaning against the cube, this indicates that some friends are relying on you or expecting you to act according to their wishes.

If the ladder is far away from the cube, it may mean that you either have no friends or you don't consider their friendship important to you. You either mentally or physically like to distance yourself from your friends.

The color of the ladder represents the personality that most of your friends have. You can check the meaning of the ladder color in the cube color description.

The more rungs the ladder has, the more friends you have.

The Horse

The horse represents your ideal partner and how you behave in relationships.

If it is a wild horse, it means that you give freedom to your partner, if the horse is tied it means you want to be in control and you always want to know where your partner is and what he/she is doing. If the horse is tied to the cube that shows that you are a very possessive person.

The distance between the cube and the horse shows how close or distant you are in relationships. How the horse behaves also shows what kind of partner you would like to have.

If the horse is running or does not stand for long in one place, it means that you want to have a partner that would like to travel, would be full of energy and would always be involved in something. If the horse does nothing but stands or eats, it means that you want to have a partner that likes to be at home and rarely travels.

The look of a horse can also indicate the physical features of your ideal partner. The better the appearance of the horse, the better looking partner you would like to have.

The Storm

The storm represents how you deal with difficulties in life.

If it is a big storm, then you always try to make a drama out of something. If the storm is small and far away from you, it means that you are a calm and positive person and you don't like being angry and try to quickly shift your mood if you notice that anger gets activated in you.

The storm can also represent current problems in your life. If, whilst seeing storm in your mind's eye, you think that it will stay there for a long time, you think the same way about your current problems.

If you see a big storm, it means that you currently experience big problems in your life. The proximity between the storm and the cube also shows how intensely these problems affect you.

It's been awhile...

Edit 2/15/10: Laven is doing much much better with sleeping through the night and is waiting for the sun to come up before she wakes her mommy and daddy!...

As you can see it has been awhile since my last post... actually I only did the first post and then left it at that. Do I have an interesting life to write about?... at times, but at best I will be honest as possible and give you as much insight as I can. I'll try to stay close to the topic of fatherhood but tangents are always a part of life.

Let's start the day as it always does... in the early morning. When Laven feels it's important to wake her parents up to tell her mom, "I need to tell you something... I don't want to take a nap" all the while whimpering and waiting for you to wake up so she can start crying when you tell her to go back to sleep. Yes it's 3:30 a.m. And for all of you that wear corrective eye wear you understand that being woken up in such fashion is very hard to discern from nightmare or real life.

Why, oh, why does she torment us so... We are trying to change the behavior but with slow and tiresome results. We have tried almost everything and are back to the 'Super Nanny' method of taking her back to bed repetitively until she goes back to sleep... usually only once or twice and all the while not responding to her cries with any verbal pacification. She's not as persistent as she was as an infant but having the bedroom directly under her makes for a loud fit.

We will see if she will ever let her parents sleep through a whole night, but does it really matter? Not really, I've learned to wake up periodically throughout the night and I have to remind myself the fact that she's only three. And what will always be consistent in our lives...is that everything changes... on a weekly basis. So if it's not waking up, it's something else... like being sick!

It's late now, so I will write about sickness later... after I get rid of this cough:)