Thursday, March 25, 2010

Don’t expect a police escort! - Tips for pregnancy

There is so much going on during pregnancy that it’s hard to focus on you and your role. We all have strong opinions when it comes to parenting but when it comes to pregnancy, sometimes Dads just don’t know what to do. We’re generally raised as men to be strong and direct so it’s natural for us to freeze when it comes to taking on the caring or “mothering” roles. It’s foreign territory and so we’d rather do little to nothing, than do something wrong or uncomfortable.

Well fear not! Here are some simple steps you can take to better prepare yourself for the pregnancy and birth. Think of it as reminders, not guidelines, and try to be as active as possible. It’s broken down into Trimesters but you can look it over and utilize any of the tips at any time.

1st Trimester-
* Talk with your wife about having a child together. What will be different? If you don’t start to talk about it now it may be difficult to bring other anxieties or worries later in the pregnancy or birth.
* Make time to regularly go on walks together or some other activity. Keep yourself physically active with your partner. Labor is just that, a lot of work, so support each other physically and see how each of you react in physically tiring situations.
* Talk about slowing down, how you can both do less in the coming months to prepare and enjoy the pregnancy. Pregnancy is one of those celebrations that don’t come too often so be in the moment and make the most out of it!
* Start sharing the news with close family and friends. But it’s always a good idea to make sure that the pregnancy is progressing as it should before spreading the news. Stay in good communication with your doctor but most importantly, focus on your partner.
* Go to a bookstore or look on the web for parenting information. Ask for advice from other fathers you may know on good sources of info. Educating yourself is the best tool to feel in control or relaxed about the pregnancy.
* Make time for you to reflect on becoming a father and what it means to you. Becoming a father is like becoming a master of any skill. It takes time … so take the time to think through it. What expectations do you have for yourself? What do others expect of you? But don’t forget that you are still you and do something for yourself every now and then.

2nd Trimester-
* Start to take-on more of the chores around your house or apartment. Mom is not feeling like herself so it’s time to work!
* Encourage your partner and let her know she is going to be a great mom. Start to practice relaxation techniques and give her frequent massages! Pregnancy is hard but the Birth is harder so start to pamper her now and reward her for the changes she is enduring. Be sympathetic not empathetic!
* Approach your wife and let her know that you can talk about both the positive and negatives about being pregnant. Communication is always the key to any working relationship. Your teamwork and partnership will have a direct impact on what kind of birth she has.
* Ask for advice! Talk with other new fathers about how they are feeling and doing as parents. Share your stories and laugh about all the craziness that comes with pregnancy. Only another dad will understand.
* If possible, ask your father what it was like for him when you were born. Ask your mother the same. You will most likely find a whole new appreciation for your parents during this process and they have a wealth of experience.
*Talk with a doula or other professional about the pregnancy. Consult with your doctor about how you can help with nutrition and cooking. Professionals are just that… professional. You may not always feel comfortable with what your friends or families tell you, so reach out to professionals who make it their career to know.

3rd Trimester-
* Start getting "the nest" ready! Work with your partner in getting things for your baby such as baby furniture, toys and baby bottles. Talking with a Baby Planner can help you save money by getting expert advice on what you should really buy. Make agreements with your partner if you absolutely can’t stand shopping. “If you pick it, I’ll build it.” It’s not always about just doing what mom wants but playing an active role in the process.
* Try to view at least one birth film together. It’s been awhile since Sex Ed but if you can’t do it, at least watch the birth scene in “Knocked Up”. This will help you prepare tremendously for the real thing. It doesn’t help mom if you’re ‘shocked’ during the labor.
* Know what you can do to "be there" for her at the birth. If you haven’t started a birth plan than now is a good time to start. Being prepared and having small obtainable goals will help make the process much smoother.
* Visit the hospital or other location where your baby will be born and take a tour. Get a feel for the staff. Look at the rooms and envision your birth there. Is it easy to get there from home and work? Have you figured out the best route? Don’t expect a police escort!
* Check in with your employer and see how flexible you both will be about time off for the birth and after. Look into your benefits and insurance to get prepared financially. Give updates regularly so you don’t get into a bind last minute. Remember, you’re not showing so it’s going to be harder for others to remember when the due date is coming.
* Start to mentally plan for the birth. See yourself experiencing the baby's birth. See yourself doing “Dad” things with your new baby. Review relaxing techniques and other labor support techniques. Pack your bag first… then moms. Sometimes we forget that we may need some snacks or clean underwear the day after.
* Remember you are still the same person before you got pregnant. Have a guy’s night out and enjoy yourself. If you feel refreshed and relax so will your partner. Stay in good health and don’t forget to be active and try to get some exercise from time to time.
* Communicate with your partner about their fears and anxieties. Figure them out and then find creative solutions to solve them. Your job is to make your partner feel as safe and comfortable as possible. Drugs or no drugs this will be a painful yet natural process and it’s your job to help support her!

www.WhereFathersGrow.com

Monday, March 8, 2010

Welcome to March!



and spring for that matter!